i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize