Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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