my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
