Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
