dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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