Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
