Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
