The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize