What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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