I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
