Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
