dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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