I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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