It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
