hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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