the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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