Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I have already put on my inside pants.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
