I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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