i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
