we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
