how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
