he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
