remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize