We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
