We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
