We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
