These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
