Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Randomize
