I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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