On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
