did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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