Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
