so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
