She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
