if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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