what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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