that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
