I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
