took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
