You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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