is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
