I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
