and she was petting her beer can
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
