He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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