went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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