i'm lost and i look like a hooker
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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