I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
