So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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