One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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