Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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