I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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