Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
