I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
There's always time for handjobs
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
