Already got asked if we're dating
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
