you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
