This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
