In the future we'll all be gay
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
