We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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