Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
