I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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