I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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