My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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