I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
