At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
