I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
People in love make me want to vomit
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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