Need sex. Gaining weight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
