Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
