Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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