I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
