We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
