I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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