For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
