I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
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