just tell him i said nine months
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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