i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
