i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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